Refusing Help

Sometimes I watch the Dr. Phil show.   It’s mind blowing to me how Dr. Phil can confront people with cold hard facts in an overwhelming way and they still deny the facts he’s presenting to them.  I was watching a clip from his show recently where he was confronting a lady who thought she was married to a man overseas but in reality she was being scammed for hundreds of thousands of dollars.  Doctor Phil and this woman’s family laid out all the facts and showed her evidence after evidence of how she was in fact being duped and used.  She held on to her fantasy because perhaps the truth was too painful.

This is an extreme example but I think we all don’t like to be confronted with areas of our life that are toxic. Screen Shot 2019-06-12 at 7.57.40 AM.png

In the Book of Mark Chapter 5 Jesus came to a village and set a man free of the bondage he was in. The man had been full of demons for years.  Jesus cast many demons out of this man and the whole village was in shock.

When this miracle took place instead of getting excited about it the people of the village asked Jesus to leave.  The people were afraid.  Jesus came to help these people and to set them free.  He came to offer them salvation but they would end up begging Him not to stay.

The great irony is that they were kicking out of their city the only one who could help them.
They thought they were ok but they weren’t.
They thought they didn’t need help but they did.

Have you ever been guilty of pushing someone away who was there to help?
Have you refused the good advice someone was giving you because you didn’t want to hear it?
Have you gotten angry with a friend or family member because they told you a hard truth about yourself that you did not want to deal with?

I know I have!

My wife has a way of telling me things I don’t want to hear about myself.  I usually get defensive but upon further reflection she is almost always right. The truth hurts.  I think there have been times when we have all said or done something to push the person away who is sent to help.

Why?
Why do we do that?

We do it because change is hard.
We do it because it exposes our motives.
We do it because sin is fun.
We do it because we want to stay the ruler of our own kingdom of self. 
We do it because we don’t want to admit we are wrong.
We do it because it may hurt our pocketbook.
Pride.  

Are you doing this now?

If Jesus came to your house today would you want Him to stay or leave?

It sounds simple enough but the reality is that when Jesus comes things change.  They always change.  The closer you get to Jesus the more your life will change.

He is a great big light that exposes what is in the dark of your heart.
He is the doctor that tells you that you have the cancer of sin and it must be cut out.
He is the one who pulls back the rug of your life and exposes all the dirt that is underneath.
He is the Dentist you have been avoiding that has to do a root canal to fix the problem.

Today, if Jesus came to you exposing all the junk that is inside of you would you want it fixed?

He offers to fix you but in order to fix you, you must come clean about your sin and repent. There is no other way to let Him fix you.

People hated Jesus. They wanted Him to leave their city.  Ultimately they wanted Him dead.   We never like our sin and wicked self exposed.  So much so, that we would be willing to kill an innocent man to keep it a secret.

This almost sounds silly but this is what millions of people do everyday.  They are confronted with truth and rather than live in the light of the truth they simply ignore the truth or just deny it.

You can ignore truth. You can ask Jesus to leave.  You have the freedom to make those choices.

But you can never make bad choices and have good long term results.

Eventually your sin will find you out.  Eventually you will reap the bitter fruit you planted.  Eventually you will have to pay for your sins.

It’s better to invite Jesus to have control now then for you to end your life separated from God.

Do not ask Jesus to leave.  Today, let Him come and do His work in your life.  Let Him deal with your ‘demons.’  Let Him expose your sin.  Let Him love and forgive you.  It will require some pain and change but in the end it will mean the difference in life and death.

A few steps:

  1. Listen when people you love tell you that you have a problem.
  2. Read your bible and identify what needs to change in your life.
  3. Confess your sin and repent.
  4. Get help.  Go to church. Find a small group.   See a counselor.  Get in a recovery program like this one https://www.christplace.com/chance2/
  5. Follow Jesus.   Make time each day to seek Jesus in prayer and reading the Bible.

 

 

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When Life Is Overwhelming

As I get older my life becomes more and more about responsibility.   I have a job where a number of people depend on me.  I have 5 children and sometimes the perfect storm can happen when life can just feel downright overwhelming.

That’s where I find myself this morning.  My 4th child, Joy has pneumonia and she’s been in the hospital for 6 days. If you’ve ever stayed the night in the hospital it’s a super expensive hotel room that provides the most awful nights sleep.  My wife has been there 4 nights in a row.

When one child is sick that doesn’t mean the other 4 cease to have needs.   Here’s a little rundown of the frustrating week we’ve had.

It all started with Joy getting a virus.  Joy passed the stomach virus on to Charyl.   A few days later Joy’s cold worked its way into her lungs and Joy was hospitalized with pneumonia and low O2.  This led to Charyl and I missing our 14thwedding anniversary date because we were in the hospital with Joy.  Next, we missed our baby, Mary Charlotte’s, second birthday party because Joy was in the hospital.  The next morning Mary Charlotte woke up with the stomach bug and threw up all over big brother Ty.   Because of Mary Charlotte now being sick both Charyl and I would miss Ty’s (Our oldest child) 5th grade graduation and end of the year festivities.  From here things went from bad to worse for Joy.  Her O2 numbers were not going up quickly enough so she was transferred to ICU at Scottish Rite by ambulance.  Around this time I picked up some of Joy’s bacteria and decided to develop bronchitis.   To the doctor I went to get a Z-pack.   The drama continues as Ty then received the blessing of the all night stomach bug from Mary Charlotte.   It gets better!   Grandma (my mom) who came to help with all this chaos now received the gift of the stomach bug.

Joy is still in the hospital. If the dog died this week then we would complete our country music song of a life.  Good luck Duke.

Sometimes these kinds of weeks happen when you have a lot of children.  Sometimes life is just hard.   Life is suffering.  I know there are so many people out there whose daily reality is worse than my overwhelming times.

God gives Grace.

When these things happen I always feel like God is making me sit still.

I hate sitting still.
I like to do things.
I need to move.

When life is overwhelming sometimes you have no option but to sit in a hospital room and wait.

Wait and think.  Wait and Pray.   Wait and trust.

It’s hard to see far into the future when you have an immediate issue in front of you.  But when life puts you in time out you need to think.  You need to pray.

Think about your blessings.

In the midst of trials to get your mind out of the gutter you need to think about the blessings of God.

Thank you Lord that I have children to love and take care of.
Thank you Lord that I have an amazing wife who takes such good care of all of us.   Thank you Lord for your church that reaches out to help.
Thank you Lord for sending Charyl’s mom and sister to help her at the hospital and provide the support and encouragement that Joy and Charyl have needed.

So many people have checked on Joy, helped with children, brought us dinner and prayed for us.

What do people do who do not have a church family?

Thank you Lord that we live in a place where our children can get good health care.  Many children in the world don’t have hospitals like we do.
Thank you Lord for nurses and doctors that care about helping my child get well.
Thank you Lord that my mom is here from Florida to help with the other 4 children. There is always so much to be grateful for.

If we keep our eyes on our circumstances we will be overwhelmed and consumed.  But if we keep our eyes on Jesus we have hope.  We have hope that there’s a better tomorrow, even if today stinks.

If you take the time to be grateful in the midst of feeling overwhelmed it brings a calm to your soul.  It’s God reminding you that He is good.

A pastor friend in Florida has been praying for my family and for Joy.  He sent me this text: “Hold to His promise to you in Lamentations 3:21-23 ‘This I recall to my mind, therefore I have hope.  It is of the Lord’s mercies that we are not consumed, because His compassions fail not.  They are new every morning: great is Thy faithfulness”

Think about the faithfulness of God.

Remembering what I have to be thankful for and dwelling on the faithfulness of God helps me when going through overwhelming times as a parent.   Knowing deep in my heart and soul that He doesn’t leave me and He doesn’t forsake me.  If I will lean into Him, I can do all things through Him who gives me strength.  I can be content and even joyful in every situation.

When you have a sick kid and you can’t help them, the beast of fear starts rising up in your heart. You are keenly aware of your lack of ability to help your child.   The only answer to fear is faith.  Fear yells at you with all the things that could go wrong.  Fear brings up the worst-case scenario first.

Faith reminds you that you have been here before and God’s brought you through.
Faith reminds you that God is in control of every breath.
Faith reminds you that God loves your child more than you do.
Faith reminds you that no matter what happens God’s in control of it all and His word is true, “He works all things to the good to those who love Him and are called according to His purpose.”

Faith and hope working together are powerful forces.

Who knows when this season of sickness will end?  We may be in for another difficult week.Screen Shot 2019-05-27 at 7.29.08 AM.png

I pray we will honor God in the storm.  I am also praying that He will stand up and calm the storm.   He knows best.

 

A Little Girl Died Today

There is a little girl named Annie Golden who died today.   She was a beautiful soul with a smile that could light up a room.   She died because she didn’t get a heart transplant. She died because she was not thought “worthy” enough to even be put on the list. Annie had Down syndrome.   This cognitive disability would prevent her from even being put on the transplant list.   My heart absolutely breaks for the family of this girl.

Little Annie Golden

You see, I have a little girl with Down syndrome.   She turned 6 months old yesterday.   My little girl’s name is Joy.   She is the youngest of my four children.   The last 6 months have changed my life in so many ways.

My journey started as most parents who have any child with special needs. It started out with ignorance. Like most people, I had been around people with special needs, but I’d never been a parent of a child with special needs, nor did I have a close family member with special needs to know and love.

So, in the beginning when my precious girl was born, I was ignorant. I only knew what I had been told by the culture at large. I only knew fear. Fear for the future. Fear of what others would think.   I had fear of my life being over or completely re-directed.   Fear that my child would be nothing more than a despised member of society by the culture at large.

LIES!! These were all lies!

After 6 months, I CANNOT adequately express how much joy, love, and hope my little Joy has brought into my life and the lives of the people around her. She is every bit as valuable as any of my other children.   In fact, I often feel sorry for my other three children because anyone who meets Joy is such a fool about her.   She is full of life!   She is full of love!   SHE IS A GIFT!   She is just how God wanted her to be. I wouldn’t change anything about my little girl. As a dad I would do whatever is in my power to help her if she was sick. I would try to move mountains to get her a heart if she needed it.

I was ignorant about how wonderful my daughter would be. I was also ignorant to a heinous evil that is going on towards people with Down syndrome.

They are being MURDERED!   They are being systematically eliminated by those who are called to protect life. It seems one of the main enemies of little children like mine are the very doctors who take an oath to protect and to save lives.

The reality is that the blood tests performed in a woman’s pregnancy are solely done so that the mother can choose to terminate her baby, and 90% of the time they do in the case of Down syndrome. So many times my wife and I have heard stories from parents of children with Down syndrome that their doctors actually advised an abortion or presented it as an option when they did not present it as an option before the test.   It is obvious that these children are not deemed “worthy” by the medical community as a whole.

Back to little Annie…she died this morning. It seems that the deciding factor to her being able to get a heart transplant was her cognitive ability. Did she have other factors? I am sure she did.   Anyone who needs a heart transplant will have some other factors, but once again, it seems the deciding factor was her IQ.

So now it seems an IQ test is needed for who lives and who dies. If you can score high enough on a standardized test then you are valuable enough to be given a chance at life. This is sick and it is wrong.

This is an actual CIVIL RIGHTS issue.   People with Down syndrome did not choose Down syndrome. It is part of their DNA. Where are the parades of people crying out that the murder of innocent children with disabilities be stopped?   Where is the outrage over little ANNIE?

What is valuable?

American Culture values net worth, IQ, and sex appeal. The God I serve values something different.   Here is what He says.

“1 Corinthians 13:1 If I could speak all the languages of earth and of angels, but didn’t love others, I would only be a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. If I had the gift of prophecy, and if I understood all of God’s secret plans and possessed all knowledge, and if I had such faith that I could move mountains, but didn’t love others, I would be nothing. If I gave everything I have to the poor and even sacrificed my body, I could boast about it; but if I didn’t love others, I would have gained nothing.

Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.”

Joy

My daughter may never have the highest score on the ACT. Little Annie may have never won the Spelling Bee, but I can promise you that my daughter and thousands of other children and adults like her with DS have been given an extra dose of what God says is most important: LOVE!!   I propose to you that just maybe those whom the culture is murdering are the ones we NEED THE MOST

JOY